The Bumpy road of Motherhood

How sometimes a little twist and turn in our journey of motherhood makes us question every damn thing and almost makes us believe that we are doing something or everything wrong.

You step into a dinner gathering, and there could be people you are meeting for the very first time, but they do not shy away from sharing their expertise on parenthood, almost seeming like they did everything right in their time and have produced a child nothing short of perfection. It almost comes down to the fact,” Oh, your child eats only green capsicum but not yellow and red.” I don’t see a problem in listening because eventually I will absorb and implement what I wish to. But what I see as a problem is that in two minutes, you have been able to gauge everything about my child and me, to be freely able to share anything and everything that we should be doing.

It doesn’t stop here; the spotlight always has to be on what we are not doing. For instance, if my child eats all the greens and doesn’t enjoy non-vegetarian food, that’s a big issue with them. On the contrary, my nephew loves non-vegetarian but no greens- there is also an issue with that, according to these social butterflies who love to flutter around sprinkling their free advice every now and then. How about understanding from the mother’s perspective that if there is no chicken on her plate, she is still giving enough protein to the child in various other forms.

Aunties, this isn’t coming out of disrespect, but a genuine request for empathy because we, as new-age moms, are raising children in a highly complex environment, and while we portray to be strong, we are extremely vulnerable on the inside, and are also learning everything on the job. What surprises us is the lack of empathy, considering you were also once on this journey, trying your level best and hoping for some understanding from the outside.

Let me take this a step further: you were raising kids in the absence of social media, which for us is as much a boon as a bane. One day, according to social media, you would be doing it all correctly- limited screen time or limited sugar. But a week later, they will tell you how sugar is also important, and then the mother is left feeling like an absolute zero.

The contradictions, the rights, the wrongs are all a part of our journey, much as they were yours.

We aren’t arrogant snobs, we are just new parents trying to do our best, yes we can’t please everyone, but at least we are doing what we feel is just about the best for our child, so let that decision be left to us, as eventually it’ll be us, not anyone else, answerable to the child for the decisions we made.

Pretty much like how we question our mom on so many things she did for us, but yes, in a joking way, like those embarrassing hairstyles.

Two years ago, when I gave birth to my princess, I wanted to pour my all for I wanted her so bad, even though I struggled initially- I breastfed her for close to two years, tried to always be around so that I have no regrets later on, and exposed her to as many fun experiences as I could. And yes, we did develop the strongest bond where she’s on a lookout for me often, for which I sometimes get grief from the outside world. But people, what else was expected from a mother who voluntarily chose to raise her daughter up close, for this time would never come back and from a child who was in my womb for 9 months.

Moral of the story- Everyone’s journey is different and personal, and maybe let’s actually imply the age- old advice of not judging the book by its cover, and sprinkling some care and empathy towards the new mums.

While the journey is bumpy, there is nothing more magical than raising your baby true to yourself and your belief system.

SONALI VIJ